


Destiny is Dead

by Groulien



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Character Death, Dark Merlin, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Evil Merlin, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-09
Updated: 2013-02-14
Packaged: 2017-11-28 18:01:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 20,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/677261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Groulien/pseuds/Groulien
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin had always protected Arthur and the people of Camelot. He would give his life if need be. But then the unforseenable happens, conflict occurs, wrong decisions are made and Merlin's heart is no longer in his destiny. Destiny is dead.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hunting, bloody hunting

**Author's Note:**

> This story features Evil!Merlin (far worse than Dark!Merlin), Torture, Mergana and character death.  
> Be warned, this story has a very slow start.

It was Merlin's least favourite activity apart from mucking out the stables, hunting. Problem was, of course, that none of the knights seemed to agree. The manservant had said that hunting was dangerous but not because of the beasts that roamed the forest. Merlin meant that the King of Camelot had a price on his head which no one seemed to have noticed. Morgana was still out there and who knows how many other vengeful sorcerers. Mary Collins, Nimueh, Sophia, Edwin, those were the ones that dare come to Camelot. Not everyone amongst the druids would be as 'peaceful' as some made them out to be. Oh, and then there was the abundance of bandits that never seemed to stop harassing innocent villages and caravans.

Arthur's voice brought the warlock back to the world.  
"Sorry?" He asked.  
The King sighed, clearly agitated, and replied "Make a wide circle and scare them this way."  
"I still think this is a bad idea." Grumbled Merlin.  
"I've got a brilliant idea! When we get back you can muck out the stables!" Arthur exclaimed in exaggerated joy.  
Before doing as he was told, Merlin let his head hang and sighed "Yes, Sire."

Obscured by the bushes, Merlin needed to vent his anger.  
"Polish my armour, muck out the stables, scare the animals, where is my bath..." He muttered and didn't actually look at where he was going.  
The manservant did not hear the footsteps that weren't his own. He was far too distracted with voicing his anger for once. As one last taunt towards his royal pratness, he put on a ludicrously high pitched voice "I'm not fat, I'm fighting fit!"  
Someone was laughing and turning around he saw Morgana leaning against a tree.  
His heart fluttered. He wasn't as enamoured by her looks as he used to be but hearing her laugh was something he had grown very fond of. There wasn't the murder in her eyes he was slowly becoming accustomed to.  
"Things never change, do they?" She smirked as she came closer to him.  
"Arthur is... around, I think." He tried to sound confident and defying in the hope that she would beat down the feelings that still coursed through his veins.  
"Surrounded by Knights, no doubt." Morgana raised an eyebrow in  
"If only you had an army." He mocked her and a sudden force shot through his cheek, pain following swiftly  
"Don't test me." She'd slapped him!  
When had Morgana gotten so physical? Her failed attempts at taking the throne of Camelot might've been one of the reasons. It also seemed that every time she was about to kill someone such as him or Arthur, she liked to drag it out. His chain of thought was interrupted by a voice shouting in the distance, a man's voice shouting a name, his name. There wasn't a single thought in his mind that it wasn't Arthur but before the warlock could utter a word, Morgana's cold hand was on his mouth and a dagger was close to his manhood. It was a little something Morgana had worked out over time. Men were far more attached to their manhood than their lives. Her smile mocked the fear in his eyes.

One thought remained in the warlock's mind. Why was he still alive?  
What pained him was that he could hear the horses pass them by and his fate was in Morgana's hands once more. She took him back to her home, her hovel, but on the way there she too had a thought she couldn't shake. She'd let him lead the way and it unnerved her to see that he _knew_ where he was going. She didn't have to correct him at all.

Halfway there, she made him stop. He seemed confused at her tactics or whatever else she was doing.  
 _"Good, confused is good."_ She thought.  
Merlin did not voice his confusion. He was in no hurry to be tortured again.  
"I've been on my feet all day." She clarified though it was a complete lie.  
The manservant sat down against a tree. She followed his example and sat opposite of him so she could not only watch him but study him as well.  
What made him so bloody loyal to Arthur? The prat was out hunting again and sent his servant further into the forest, alone. How stupid was he? Better put, which of the two was more stupid? Arthur for commanding him or Merlin for following it?

The crunching sound of leaves being stepped on pulled Morgana from her thoughts.  
At first she thought they were Arthur's men but there were just two of them and only one of them was a real man, the other merely child. They weren't soldiers but travellers or, just maybe, smugglers but that didn't seem likely judging by the state of their clothes.  
The witch stood up and glared at Merlin to warn him in case he would do something stupid. Morgana's eyes were not unkind to the travellers but rather curious, not may passed through her little part of the forest.  
The two came face to face with her. Merlin eyes the man and what he presumed to be his young daughter. The man was a bit scrawny but the child, a young girl, was skin and bones.  
"Greetings. Could you, ehm… perhaps you could tell me where I might… ehm." The man stumbled over his words.  
The man was rather hesitant to ask her but she thought he was asking for directions.

Morgana squatted and with sad eyes looked at the girl before standing back up.  
"She has magic, doesn't she?" Morgana asked sympathetically. The man merely averted his eyes in some sort of shame. "The druids are that way." She pointed west of where they were.  
"Thank you." He exhaled his held breath.  
Morgana went back to her spot and took a small pouch from her bag. "These are edible mushrooms. You look like you need them more than I do." She handed it over.  
"Bless you." The man now smiled at her and took the path shown to them by the witch.

Morgana noticed that Merlin's face just got a whole lot more interesting. It never occurred to him that 'the wicked witch' still had a kind heart and surprise and wonder were all over his face.  
"I'm not heartless, Merlin. I can still be kind when I want to." She said casually.  
"You mean when it suits you." He taunted her.  
She looked down on him with a smirk that said she was up to something. A lot of things had crossed her mind. A tiny bit of torture as an appetizer before the main course, a mocking retort, an insightful insult, so many things to choose from and she picked something else. If she was right about him and their past, then this would mess him up for quite a while.

She kneeled besides him and Merlin shifted uneasily. Her lips moved close to his ear, her breath taunting yet pleasant warmth.  
In a playful tone she whispered, almost moaned "I can be _very_ kind, Merlin."  
Of course this kind of seduction did not affect him much. It was an act and even in a sultry voice the words meant nothing. When she backed away she gave him a peck on the cheek, the very same she slapped earlier. This unnerved him completely. He thought she found him revolting. She would never touch him, _the traitor_ , let alone put her lips on him. Yet in the past he had often wondered how her lips felt, how soft they would be against his rather than his cheek.

Arthur's voice could be heard in the distance once more and this time they'd gone off the path and into the forest.  
Morgana stood up and took one last look at the bewildered manservant.  
"There!" The King was close by and Merlin looked at her with an inner conflict still raging.  
"Think about it." She said as her eyes glowed gold and all the leaves flew up from the ground to obscure her like fog would.  
She was gone before the leaves return to the soil from which they came. The manservant couldn't care less about the leaves, Arthur or her disappearance. His mind was still trying to make sense of her word.  
 _Think about it?_ She had made him an offer but it felt impossible to tell what it was. Did it have anything to do with the peck on the cheek or was it merely her kindness she offered him? Was this how she made her spies? With promises of _kindness_?

"Merlin!" The King's hand on his shoulder made him snap back to reality.  
"Sire." He greeted Arthur as he got back on his feet.  
"Are you hurt?" He repeated the question and Merlin shook his head in denial.

They went home after that and Arthur came by the physician's chambers later that evening with Gwen. Gaius was out for reasons unknown to them and opening the door to his ward's chambers, they saw he was sleeping.  
"He's a child, really." Arthur joked as Gwen slowly and carefully made her way over to her bed.  
"Sleep well, Merlin." She said and gave him a soft peck on the cheek.  
Arthur stifled a laugh as she made her way back.  
"You're not his mother." He joked.

Then they heard the clumsy boy whisper the name of the accursed witch. They looked at the boy and expected him to be tossing and turning from a nightmare. Only when they looked, he was smiling.


	2. A Riddle Wrapped in a Mystery

_Then they heard the clumsy boy whisper the name of the accursed witch. They looked at the boy and expected him to be tossing and turning from a nightmare. Only when they looked, he was smiling._

Gwen closed the door making the least amount of noise as possible. She put her back against the wall and exhaled a held breath.  
"Do you think..." Gwen trailed off. It was a horrifying thought that he had been enchanted once more.  
What was even more horrifying was what he might do if he woke up from the trance right after killing the certain someone.  
"Possibly." Arthur concurred knowing full well that magic was a force to be reckoned with.  
Morgause did, after all, conjure up an illusion almost strong enough to make him kill his own father.  
"He's..." Gwen trailed off at the memory of the Fomorroh crawling beneath his skin.  
"Merlin." Arthur finished for her. The maid smiled out of relief.  
She nearly told him that the man had tried to kill him before.  
"I could keep an eye on him." She suggested as it would not be wise that, if he were indeed enchanted, they were on to him.  
Arthur thought it a good plan.

_The next day_

When Merlin woke he had not forgotten the offer she'd made him. How he wished he could simply close his eyes and go back to the day he first laid eyes on her. He closed his eyes but his life had always been more nightmare than fairy tale. He knew that when he'd open his eyes again the world would not have changed. It would still be bitter and dark, so very real and so very wrong.

Waking up and her being his first thought had become something of a pattern that didn't even require dreaming of her, it was simply there. Some said that if you woke to the thought of someone, you loved them in one way or another. _She's going to try and kill Arthur again._ He deluded himself into thinking that he cared for Arthur like a brother. For a while, the delusion sufficed. Then he realised the sentence always started with ' _she_ ', that he thought of _her_ , and it broke the pattern in a bad way. The First Thought didn't change but those that followed did. They no longer revolved around Arthur but her. Now it had changed once more. _Think about it._

He wanted her kindness and forgiveness but knew right from wrong. The Morgana of old died years ago. Could he bring her back? Would he be able to soothe her anger and find that heart of hope buried so deep beneath the pain of the past?

He shook his head and pushed the thought away. Tempted though he was, he knew she would never change.

For days Gwen balanced between following Merlin and keeping Arthur safe from him. On one such day, after following Merlin home, she went back to Arthur so they could discuss the situation. It didn't take long for them to realise that Gwen's constant presence meant that the 'enchanted' Merlin would never show.

A plot was devised and immediately put into action.

Merlin entered the throne room where Arthur was briefing the knights on the situation. What annoyed the warlock was that Arthur was wearing armour already and that a briefing without him implied that he wouldn't be coming along on their little adventure.

Being a good little manservant Merlin listened and waited for the King to finish his briefing. It confirmed what he had already suspected. Morgana had been sighted in one of the nearby forests. After the briefing Merlin asked why he wasn't coming along.  
"I don't want to put you in harm's way again. Besides, you always stumble into trouble." Arthur explained and left without waiting for a reply.  
Merlin went back to his chambers and packed. Did Arthur really think he was going to drop it?

By the time the manservant had gotten his things Arthur and the Knights were gone. Rushing down the corridor there was Gwen who pulled him aside.  
"What's the matter?" Gwen acted all innocent and surprised.  
"Arthur's going after Morgana." He replied rather short of breath.  
"Didn't he tell you-" She wanted to see if she could keep him from going but his mind was set.  
"Yes but he's clearly forgotten all the times I've saved his sorry ass." He broke out his infamous, boyish smile again.  
Whenever he did that her every protest became half-hearted. "Still-" She kept on trying to persuade him but was out of luck.  
"I haven't the time." Merlin moved past Gwen who, at this point, could do nothing but worry.

* * *

 

Arthur made his Knights stop in the middle of the road. If they went any further, Merlin would never find them and the point never proven.  
"Sire." One of the Knights sought the King's attention. "Would it not have been wiser to face the witch in greater numbers?"  
There were twelve of them and Arthur definitely would have taken more along if she had actually been there. Sometimes Arthur wished the Knights just kept their traps shut and followed orders.  
"If I hadn't made it up, yes."  
"Then why are we here?" The Knight continued to question his King.  
Since Arthur didn't have Merlin there, he thought it a fun idea to put the Knight in his place. "To see if any of you would be as cowardly as to desert."  
 _"That'll shut him up."_ The King thought.

Arthur did some more thinking and reasoned that Merlin wouldn't strike them if they were huddled together like that.  
"Some of the villages have been moaning about the lack of patrols. Since we're here, six of you patrol the road south and show them the colours of Camelot."  
The Knights nodded and left as they were told.

After a few minutes Arthur grew a bit bored and sighed. It was then that an arrow buried itself into his shoulder and knocked him off his horse. Down but not out, Arthur scrambled to his feet and heard more arrows cut through the air. Only one other person fell off his horse but he wasn't so lucky. The arrow had pierced the armour and struck his heart. The roars of the assailants were many and more than they could handle. The riders fell with their horses and in this moment of chaos Arthur decided to flee into the woods.

Merlin heard a noise in the distance. According to another traveller the Knights couldn't be much further. What the manservant saw, however, wasn't Knights but bandits. The warlock dismounted and took out his sword. The horses in the middle of the road were draped with red cloaks of Camelot with the Knights still attached to them. They had been raided. Although Merlin could only see three bandits so far but he knew that these were just the scavengers. There was no way three bandits would be able to jump Knights on horseback. Judging by the shapes on the ground these couldn't be all twelve of them.

One of the scavengers noticed Merlin and drew his sword. The warlock had already observed their surroundings and there were no onlookers. He would finish them off quickly and search for his friend. The bandit raised his sword and Merlin whispered a sleeping spell which made it look like he ran into his opponent's sword.

The two remaining bandits charged him at the same time.  
" _Thurhdrife hi ecg!_ " Merlin sent the sword of the fallen bandit flying into one of his attackers.  
The last bandit looked back at his fallen ally for a mere moment but it was enough for the warlock to stab him by surprise. Merlin briefly examined the dead bodies belonging to both the patrol and its assailants. Both sides had suffered heavy casualties. Merlin counted five Knights and no Arthur.. It didn't take a tracker to see which way the remaining bandits had gone, all the footsteps led to one side of the forest.

As Merlin searched for Arthur, the man in question tried to fend off his attacker. The two remaining bandits had split up earlier and one of them caught up. Arthur wielded his sword with two hands since the shoulder of his sword arm was wounded. The King's assailant was clever enough to do battle with a different goal. He didn't try to cut or maim him. He brought the hilt of their blades together and exerted pressure to wear him down. Arthur didn't want to admit it but it was working.

Arthur's heart was in his throat and he could hear it pound. The ache in his shoulder built and built. Holding his sword was becoming exercise and then, with one more push, he was disarmed. The man in front of him recognized victory. He raised his sword high and Arthur, trying to get away, fell onto his back.  
"Didn't happen to bring your crown, did you?" He mocked the fallen King.  
Leaves rustled behind him.  
"Oh, good." The bandit's friend seemed to have joined them but when he turned around a sword ran him through.  
"Merlin?" Arthur spoke in amazement. How did he always arrive in the nick of time?  
The manservant laid his sword behind his head to make a victory pose but Arthur flinched when he raised his sword to do so.  
"Don't be such a girl." Merlin mocked him as he held out his hand and pulled the King to his feet.  
"Not a word." Arthur said seriously as he picked up his sword.

They sat in the physician's chambers, Merlin, Arthur and Gwen. They hadn't waited for the remaining six Knights to return since they could have been ambushed as well. Merlin was just done wrapping the bandage around the King's shoulder when he saw Arthur and Gwen exchange a look.  
"What?" Merlin asked.  
"This is kind of my fault." Arthur said with a pained look.  
"Our fault." Gwen added. Merlin kept quiet and waited for her to continue. "We visited you the night after your run in with Morgana."  
Arthur picked up where Gwen left off, "You whispered her name and you were smiling. Gwen followed you around and nothing happened. There wasn't opportunity for anything so we made a plan."  
Merlin sighed. "This was a test." he concluded and began cleaning up the equipment used for Arthur's bandage.  
"You're not mad at us?" Gwen asked and set off his rant.  
"SOME FAITH YOU HAVE IN ME!" He shouted, "Do you really trust me so little?"  
"We're supposed to ask if you're enchanted?" Arthur tried to defend them.  
"You didn't even ask what happened that day." Merlin clarified upset.  
The door opened and Gaius waddled in.  
"What's all this shouting? I thought I was the only deaf person here." The old man frowned at them.  
"Did you know?" Merlin fired the question without preamble and Gwen answered for him, "He didn't"  
The manservant shook his head again.  
"You know better, Gwen." Merlin glared at her on his way out and slammed the door behind him.


	3. Darkness

_"You know better, Gwen." Merlin muttered and on his way out he slammed the door behind him._

While Arthur and Gwen explained to Gaius what his ward was going on about, the King's treacherous advisor brought to Camelot a creature of the vilest of natures. It wasn't a difficult task that needed a specific set of skills, just a mind that followed orders.

It wasn't until the moon rose that it roamed beyond its lair. Blood coloured one of the streets and half a dozen people were missing. No one saw it, save for the dead, but howling could be heard throughout the city. The next morning, Knights and guards looked for 'the wolf' but it wasn't found and Merlin had a strange feeling that magic was involved.

At dusk, Merlin managed to get away from his duties as manservant and patrolled the streets like a guard would. The difference between the guard and the warlock was that the latter had at least some idea about what he was looking for. Where the creature would most likely have made his home would be the underground waterworks. He went down several narrow corridors before reaching the many tunnels. It was dark but to light a torch might be unwise considering the nature of a beast that fears the light.

Corner after corner, corridor after corridor, he was met by silent darkness. Gently and unseen he let magic slip through his fingers like sand. He felt vibrations in the water make a pathetic attempt to pushing it back. There was something down there, he was certain of it. He let go of his magic and the vibrations stopped. Could it be that the creature was afraid of magic? He kept looking but the affirmation that the beast was there also gave reason to fear the darkness.

The water began vibrating again but he wasn't using magic. There it was! He couldn't see it but he heard some sort of running and with the rhythm of an animal. It was moving away and Merlin persued it back to the surface. The warlock was too late, several dead bodies already laid sprawled out on the floor but it had not been in vain.

Fear caused Merlin to freeze up. There it stood, a black hound, very similar to a wolf and if it weren't for the blood on its teeth, it would easily have been mistaken as a stray. But that was not what struck fear in the warlock's heart. It was the eyes, the red, glowing eyes of the ghastly beast.

It was heading straight for him, running. Merlin did not hesitate and summoned a shield but it was like it did not care, did not matter at all. The hound seemed to break through the spell and it only seemed to amplify the blow that sent him back, thankfully away from the hound. It bared its teeth once more and Merlin took up arms in the form of an offensive fire spell. Once more it did not have the desired effect. A ball of fire made its home on the monster but it merely backed off, not really bothered by it.

Armour and weaponry echoed through the streets and the hound scrambled at the sound. Merlin put his back against the wall and remembered to breathe. He closed his eyes, glad that it was over. The Knights took in the sight of the dead bodies which, this time, hadn't miraculously disappeared.

Back at the physician's chambers, Merlin went through the bestiary with Gaius.

"The Barghest." Gaius turned the book over to Merlin. "This does not bode well for Camelot."  
Merlin quickly read and reread the page.  
"It doesn't say how to kill it." Merlin said confused.  
"That is because the Barghest cannot be killed." Seeing the confusion in his ward's eyes, the physician continued. "You did not see the creature of legend. You saw a creature of black magic imitating it."  
"I couldn't kill it." Merlin said slightly panicked.  
The old physician chuckled and replied "Not with ordinary weaponry, naturally-" but he did not understand.  
"Gaius, I've tried magic and it didn't die." The apprentice explained and Gaius showed a face of worries.  
With his guardian's mind elsewhere, Merlin went to his room and picked up his satchel.  
"Merlin." Gaius called him back as he was about to leave. "Where are you going at this hour?"  
"To find an answer." Merlin replied before closing the door behind him.

Merlin took a horse from the stables. He knew who would be able to provide an answer and he had to leave Camelot to get it. Black magic, a vicious creature, one that seemed incapable of dying. It looked like the Barghest to obscuring its true nature. The warlock could figure it out on his own with complex spells and enchantments but the streets would run red before he would find it.

He would seek the answer from the dark sorceress that cast it. He would confront Morgana Pendragon.

* * *

 

The windows of Morgana's hovel shed a dim light on the outside. Merlin dismounted close by but tried to keep his presence unnoticed. It didn't make sense. He could be as sneaky as he wanted to be but she'd have to answer it willingly. He had no way of forcing her to. Then there were the words. " _Think about it_ " she had said. Whatever she offered probably wouldn't matter, it would harm Arthur and he'd never agree to that.

He slowly moved towards the front door and knocked in a rhythm of three.  
"Come in." Came Morgana's voice.  
Merlin hesitantly opened the door and saw her busy with a mortar and pestle.  
"I was right, you do know where I live." Morgana spoke casually, almost ignoring him.  
Only now did it occur to Merlin that there was a reason she made him stop in the woods that day.  
"I need you to stop the Barghest." He told her.  
"Why would I want to do that?" She smiled cruelly as she revelled in her superiority.  
"If you don't stop this you will find yourself in a Kingdom without subjects." Merlin tried to make her see reason but she just kept grinding away at the plant in the mortar.  
She wasn't going to give in. He knew that the only way to receive any help from her was to grovel.  
"Morgana, please. It's killed thirty people already. I implore you, Morgana. Please tell me how to stop it."  
He could see her think and hoped she wasn't imagining ways of torture.  
"I want something in return." She said. "Gaius kept a head from the Fomorroh. I need it."  
Merlin shuddered at the thought. How did she even know Gaius had it? Agravaine must've seen something. He could guess what she wanted with the head. She probably wanted to grow a new Fomorroh but right now it was a good a deal as it would get.  
"Fine." He agreed.  
She held out her hand and replied "Your dagger."  
He took out a simple dagger with a wooden handle. It was slim, a tad fancy for your average peasant, but a decent knife nonetheless. Merlin handed it over and suddenly worried about being unarmed. He couldn't use magic against her and if she were to strike him... the dagger would've been pointless anyhow.  
Morgana began chanting and Merlin listened to the words.

_Light against darkness at world's end_

_Against the fiend it strikes without relent_

_With a weapon made to defend_

_Let it banish the shadows in the people's lament_

When Morgana returned Merlin's dagger he noticed the blade had become so white it seemed to glow.  
"Just stab the thing." She said as she returned to her alchemy project.  
As Merlin opened the door to leave, Morgana called him.  
"Merlin, did you ever consider my offer?" She asked.  
He hoped she wouldn't ask.  
"No." He said after a pregnant pause and quickly closed the door behind him.  
With a sigh he put his back against the wall and a second later heard something shatter inside. Peering through the window he saw Morgana had smashed her bowl and pulling her hair back in an attempt to recompose herself before leaning against her workbench.

" _Who is fooled the most?_ " She thought." _Him by my kiss or me for thinking he might actually have affections for me?_ "  
Her solitude and subsequent presence of Merlin had stirred something inside her. Without Morgause plotting against Arthur became a lot less fun and more something of duty. Years ago he disarmed with his sweetness and as a prisoner he did something similar with his honesty, or rather shaking off the duplicity that belonged to the act of a manservant.  
" _Stop kidding yourself, Morgana. It's been too long. But he knows where I live and didn't tell Arthur, surely that meant something? Gods, I'm acting like the tavern wench no one wants to touch. Agravaine would but I'm not_ that _desperate. He hates me and I hate him, that's the way it is and how it's supposed to be. He just said he's not interested and he left in a hurry. Stop it, he can't even stand to be around you anymore. It's not Merlin anymore, it's Arthur's manservant._ "


	4. Grey

Merlin returned to Camelot at the crack of dawn. The Barghest would not return until after dusk. Meanwhile he would have to entertain his royal pratness, the King. The manservant had forgotten almost Arthur had schedueled practice in the morning. He sighed knowing that it would be a long day. Being battered by the King was exhausting enough after a good night's sleep but Merlin didn't sleep at all and his thoughts were with the hound from hell.

Arthur seemed to notice his friend's lack of attention and he decided to quit practice earlier than usual. As Merlin helped him take off his armour Arthur began the conversation.  
"You seemed a bit distracted on the field." Arthur noted.  
Merlin pulled a bit of a face. "It's... Does it ever bother you?" the manservant asked.  
Arthur frowned at his friend not sure what he was getting at and Merlin clarified "The people we kill and the ones that are caught in between."  
"You shouldn't worry about such things, they'll only give you a headache." Arthur replied.  
It's what Merlin had been trying to do for ages but the blood wouldn't wash off his hands like it did from the King's armour. Merlin's conscience had begun acting up ever since he saw Morgana being kind to the father with his daughter in the forest. There were some whom he pitied; Mary Collins, Edward Muirden, Sophia, Ulfric and even Nimueh. Others he couldn't care less about; Valiant, Kanen, Sigan, Aredian and Morgause. Finally there were those caught in between and those were the ones that burdened his conscience; Morded, Will, Freya and Balinor. One person couldn't be catagorised in any of them, namely Morgana. The pain she had caused fell on his shoulders because he helped create the darkness that now surrounded her. He felt responsible not only for the pain she brought onto other but the anger she kept holding on to as well.

"When Morgana 'caught' me we ran into a man and his daughter. They were looking for the druids-"  
"They've been dealt with." Arthur said in a dismissive tone that shocked Merlin.  
The manservant had expected a different response altogether. Arthur was acting as if he had said he saw a bandit escaping rather than a confused man with his daughter.  
"Killed?" Merlin's question made him sigh.  
"They're not always as innocent as they look." Arthur didn't even make an effort to hide his annoyance and displeasure towards his manservant's sympathy.  
One would expect that, after Mordred, the King would have grown a bit more leniant towards the druids. Although they lived in his Kindom, Arthur did not see them as his subjects because they didn't act as such. A true King would either hunt them as rebels or embrace them for the lost souls they were. In his ignorance he dismissed them. For a King, ignorance was not bliss but damnation.  
"What about the Knights that died in the ambush?" Merlin asked.  
"They were good men. They didn't deserve to die at the hands of bandits." He replied.  
It seemed a decent answer but the words sounded hollow and with the illusion of honour in death. Good men, yes, that he was right about that but the bandits part was rubbish. Those men didn't deserve to die at all. It was the end of life and leaving everyone behind with a pain that might never heal. All these nearly political answers made Merlin want to hear something real.  
"People died for you, do you even care?" The manservant lashed out and Arthur gave an immediate response.  
"They knew the risks! I can't mourn every soul that dies in the name of Camelot." The King spoke like his predecessors.  
Not only he speak with the typical arrogance of a King but the mentality of his words were those Merlin would attribute to war. What was it doing in this time of peace?  
"But you don't even care!" Merlin raised his voice and hoped Arthur would see reason, "The men that died for you were fathers, brothers and sons."  
"I don't want anyone to die, but as long as Morgana is still out there I don't have a choice." Arthur explained.  
Their struggle against Morgana was the war Arthur was fighting. In his mind at the very least. It was a fair reason but considering 'choice' he was wrong.  
"There's always a choice." Merlin said softly.  
Arthur shook his head and smiled bitterly.  "Lifting the ban isn't a choice. She'll raise an army of sorcerers and burn the city to ashes."  
"She wouldn't." Merlin said without thought.  
"How would _you_ know? No matter how much you want it, she's not the Morgana of old."  
He looked away out of shame. Not shame for his hopes but the hopes he destroyed, her hopes. It infuriated him that Arthur believed his manservant didn't fully comprehend the severity of things. He had _no_ idea of the sacrifices made for him and no bloody right to say it either. It was him that first knew about Morgana's betrayel, not the King.  
Merlin took a deep breath and took a gamble by taking out the dagger she gave him.  
"What's this?" Arthur asked bewildert.  
The manservant wet his lips. If this went wrong then it would be the end of him.  
"I bargained with her for something to banishing the hellhound with." He confessed.  
Arthur looked at him wide-eyed as if he had grown another head.  
"And she gave you this in exchange for..." He trailed off.  
"A rare ingredient." Merlin wanted to keep him in the dark for his own good.  
"For what purpose?" Arthur spoke as if interrogating him and it wounded him.  
Arthur was the authority of the Kingdom, one to be respected, but this wasn't the way friends behaved around each other. Merlin thought the events in the forest proved he wasn't enchanted and _could_ be trusted. Apparently the King still had his doubts.  
"Growing." Merlin replied, "I know what she plans to do with it. At least trust me this once."  
Too late did the warlock realize his rather poor choice of words. "How can I trust you when you deal with Morgana behind my back?!"  
The man had a fair point but the alternative, telling Arthur where Morgana lived, would've been far worse. The witch wouldn't allow herself to be captured and he wouldn't hesitate to kill if need be. The worst case scenario would be both their deaths and the curse of the hellhound would have remained for many more months.  
"Morgana wants the throne but there's no point in it if the city is empty. You can't afford to view the world in black and white anymore, Arthur."  
The blonde took another deep breath. Merlin was pulling his _words of wisdom_ card again. He hated it when he did that, especially because he was right. Arthur didn't even bother to ask how he found her. All they knew was that she was somewhere in the Valley of the Fallen Kings. Those were her hunting grounds. So to speak with her had to be done on her terms or she would not show. The King could guess Merlin went there alone and waited for her to find him.  
"It's the necessary evil." Said Arthur as he turned the blade and examined the other side of it.  
Merlin shook his head in denial. He didn't understand. _Good and_ _Evil_ belonged to black and white. The only necessary evil Merlin knew was the moment he poisoned Morgana. In shades of grey it was the closest thing to black.  
"It's the grey area where we saved the druid boy and Ealdor. You do what you think is right." Merlin said but in the back of his mind the sentence continued " _And damn the consequences."_  
The thought almost made him flinch. He quoted her without meaning to. If she had remained in Camelot with a hopeful heart then Arthur would have been a much more sensible person by now. Morgana knew how to push Arthur buttons, always had, like brother and sister.  
"Like Lancelot's knighthood." Arthur seemed to understand the concept.  
The warlock was glad Arthur's rage had left him unscathed. _"I don't even have to muck out the stables."_ He thought with a hidden smile.  
"All that's left is killing the hellhound."

They waited until dusk before starting their patrols. Each squadron of had a banner carrier and several men on the walls of the citadel kept an eye on them. If any of them went down, that's where the barghest would be. Merlin wanted to vanquish the hound on his own but Arthur, who then held the magical dagger, didn't let him. The King had taken upon himself the task of slaying the beats with the short, pointy weapon. Magic made him uncomfortable. Not even the fact that he controlled the enchanted blade eased his mind. He kept shifting in his saddle, something not gone unnoticed by Merlin.

The warlock told himself it wasn't magic but the shortness of the blade that made the King feel uneasy. Slowly but surely he began to understand how and what Gaius was towards Uther. Gaius kept secrets and in return Uther turned a blind eye. It wasn't friendship. It was mutual captivity behind a mask of civility. He also saw how he and Arthur were becoming the very same thing only their captivity was destiny. He wanted friendship, not some loathsome game of civility.

Merlin was almost glad when a banner fell in the lower town as it took his mind off his troubles and back to the matter at hand. Arthur left the citadel with a small number of Knights and raced through the gate. The hellhound acted as if he had been caught in the act when the Knights arrived. It did not flee this time, its hunger for blood was not yet sated. It leaped and knocked one of the Knights off his horse. Immediately it dug its teeth in his shoulder and the man's screams were unbearable.

Before Arthur had time to respond it jumped at him as well. Fear saved him as he toppled back before the creature reached him. As unlikely as it may have been, paws broke through part of his armour. The King was off his horse but the hound had not managed to launch himself on top of him as he had done with the other Knight. The other Knights shouted in chaos as their leader quickly grabbed the dagger. Not knowing of the magical dagger, the Knights surrounded the King as a way of protection. It did not matter to the cursed beast as he tore another Knight off his horse and landed straight in the middle of their protective circle. Arthur was confronted by foul, red eyes. It roared once and his arm flew forwards, digging the blade into the dark being of magic. It jumped up and scattered into a billion pieces carried away by the wind like sand running through fingers.

No one saw the gold fade from Merlin's eyes. Arthur was petrified at the close-up of the beast's eyes as it had nearly paralyzed him the first time he saw them. This would become some heroic story in the history books where the mighty King defeated the hound from hell. They wouldn't mention the equally heroic manservant that got the dagger from his murderous half-sister. As long as magic would return to Albion, Merlin couldn't care less. The Fomorroh found find its way back to Morgana in the childish manner of knocking on her door and running for the hills. It was cowardly but Merlin didn't want to face her if he didn't have to. It would only bring pain to the both of them.


	5. Neutral Territory

There had always been conflict within Albion and this time it was between King Alined and Lord Godwyn. The dispute concerned the exact lines of the border. Arthur offered to host the negotiations in Camelot since they shared an alliance with them. Every step closer to peace would be a step closer to uniting Albion. For once Merlin didn't have very much to do with the preparations. With two noble families visiting one would think there would be a lost to do but it was the exact opposite. Both parties did not only bring their own servants but sent a few of them ahead so everything needs would be tended to upon arrival. The leaders were in council for lengthy periods and Arthur dismissed his manservant so he could do something more meaningful.

Thankfully for Merlin Gaius didn't know. Merlin didn't really have any pastime because Arthur kept his manservant busy. He used his spare time not with an actual pastime but something important nonetheless. Magic. There were still many spells he had not mastered yet. Nimueh had powerful fire magic, Cornelius Sigan animated the Gargoyles, Gilli channelled magic into strength and Morgana was the mistress of black magic. So what was the power of the great Emrys? Stunning spells and falling branches weren't exactly fearful and his talents as a dragonlord were hereditary. He wasn't an amazing healer either. He could barely concoct a potion.

Then he saw what made him special and it wasn't even his magic. Improvisation was his power. It wasn't perfect. The encounter with Morgana and Alator had proven that. He needed more spells that would give him the element of surprise. It was time to go back to the hidden books where the Goblin remained.

At the end of the day Merlin knew by his master's demeanour that the meeting between Godwyn and Alined did not go well.  
"Made any progress?" Merlin asked out of curiosity.  
"At one point I thought they'd draw their swords." Arthur said as he dropped himself onto his chair.  
"Perhaps tomorrow will be better." The manservant said in a fruitless effort to cheer up the King.  
"Not if they keep bickering about times past. Especially Alined." The blonde kept complaining.  
Merlin put his back against the wall and crossed his arms.   
"They're not really cooperating, are they?" Times like these Arthur deserved a bit of empathy.  
"There's the odd sentence where they actually make some sense but other than that, no."  
"A bit like you then." Merlin joked and, despite it being a cheap shot, Arthur cracked a smile.  
Bantering with Arthur was fun way to cheer him up but the moments were usually shortly lived.  
"When all this is done there will be a feast. They might not deserve it but I will."  
Merlin wanted to make a witty reference to the holes in his royal fatness' belt but the King moved on.  
"I wonder if Alined would have his jester perform again." Arthur wondered  
Merlin hoped he hadn't. The love spell he used on Arthur wasn't easily removed.  
"He seemed a bit cross with him last time." Merlin smiled at the memory of the jester in chains behind Alined's horse.  
"Didn't keep him from bringing him along." The King replied as he straightened his posture.  
Trickler was in Camelot? How did he not see it? The library, of course. Come to think of it, Geoffrey seemed to live there and Merlin rarely saw him anywhere else. A bit of a recluse. Merlin shook away the stray thoughts and inquired about Alined's jester.  
"When?"  
Arthur took a moment and tried to remember when the jester had arrived. Failing to answer that question he gave a much simpler answer.  
"He served us during council."  
Merlin worried for a moment but Trickler wouldn't dare use magic that close to the armed men of Camelot. Elena was still in Gawant and would hopefully stay there. The last thing he needed was another thing to worry about. The warlock wanted to be rid of Trickler once and for all.

Later that evening Merlin discussed the matter with Gaius who had a few interesting thoughts to share. For starters, the negotiations as much a chance for peace as they were to bring war. At the very least between Alined and Godwyn. Secondly, Alined might have instigated their squabble for that very reason, a chance at war, but it was unlikely. Peace made him poor but going to war with someone himself was even worse. That's why he tried to bring war between Arthur and Olaf. If someone else were to be at war then they could supply men and metal. That's how he became rich. Lastly, killing Trickler should look like an accident. If either Alined or Godwyn found that it led back to Camelot then there would be hell to pay.

In the middle of the night Merlin left the comfort of his bed to seek out Trickler and end things before they had even begun. Wandering the corridors ideas were plentiful. A blow to the head and throwing him down the stairs, _he slipped_. He's standing on the balcony and it gives away leading to a deadly fall, _too big for sabotage_. Bruised, beaten, smelling of urine and dead in a ditch, _a lethal bar brawl_. If only he could make that last one actually happen, that would be amazing.

Then a shadow moved past a door in the distance. It seemed his was not alone despite it being the dead of night. Merlin knew out of instinct that it wasn't right. The torches should only reveal the armour of Knights at this time of day. The warlock hurried around the corner and saw that it was, in fact, another servant. Judging by his attire it was oneof Godwyn's. Although relieved, it did not put him at ease. Merlin kept following him from a distance. The unnamed servant's footsteps came to a halt near Godwyn's chambers but not in sight of them. It gave Merlin the opportunity to get a better look at him. _Black hair, nose like a hawk, average height and build, no one special._ He thought and smiled to himself for being paranoid like that.  
But he was right after all at the sound of the words " _Swefe nu_."  
The man guarding Godwyn's door fell asleep. Merlin's eyes widened and finally he saw it. The crystal that hung around his neck and rested on the servant's chest was not ordinary. Its distorting transparency was like that of a rhinestone and that's exactly what it did, distort what one saw. Merlin knew it as a Blood Crystal. All it needed was a single drop of another man's blood to take on his appearance. Trickler's treacherous trickery had to stop.

Trickler went inside and Merlin tarried fretting over what might happen if Godwyn saw his magic. It had to be stopped nonetheless, they would just have to understand. Merlin turned the handle and it seemed to open on its own. He stood eye-to-eye with Trickler who was still disguised as a servant. Alined's sorcerer was not shocked at seeing a person in front of him like Merlin did and saw merely an obstacle. Trickler knocked him to the floor with his shoulder and tried to flee when Merlin grabbed his leg and brought him to the floor as well. The warlock's silent, stealthy magic flung the dagger away from them and he pounced Trickler. For a moment Merlin had the advantage but the jester was stronger than him and managed to push him off him.

As they struggled they noticed the rattling of armour. Things had become a haze for the warlock. His sole intent was to keep Trickler there and pull off the necklace when the guards were there. And they were. Strong arms pulled them apart and Merlin reached for blood crystal but failed to grab it. His heart sank as the jester used the ace up his sleeve.  
"He killed Lord Godwyn!" Trickler shouted in faked shock, complete with tears and all.  
This was an absolute nightmare. Trickler still had the appearance of one of Godwyn's servants and he was a convincing actor. Adding to that was the blood of the knife that had rubbed off on both of them. It seemed like a Godwyn's loyal subject tried to apprehend his Lord's murderer.  
"Liar!" Merlin shouted in denial but it was all in vain when a force connected with his head and the world faded to black.


	6. Doubt

Papers littered the oak desk before him as he held his head in his hands. The study was a mess. He couldn't eat, couldn't sleep and the very last thing he could do was think. Lord Godwyn was murdered in his sleep by a knife piercing his hart. Lord Godwyn who was an ally of Camelot and one of his father's oldest friends. Writing Princess Elena, soon Queen Elena, a letter about her father's death was not an easy task. Arthur didn't write much himself. He usually told Merlin to do it and then criticize his work here and there - formalities mostly since Arthur was more educated in that respect. Now he had to write it himself. The biggest problem wasn't the murder but rather putting into words that he believed the man incarcerated was innocent. Merlin, his loyal manservant and friend, had been incarcerated for cold blooded murder. He hadn't spoken with him yet but he would once he would come to. Alined broke off negotiations under the guise of respect for Gawant's fallen leader but rumour had it he was selling arms already.

It was difficult for the young King to think. The fireplace that burned and warmed the study danced hypnotically but reminded him of the cold and dreary dungeon his friend was in. The oak desk, that had endured the spilling of beer, wine and even rat stew, had long since lost it's woody smell and was replaced by the sweet scent of said wine. On many of those occasions Merlin was there to clean it up again. It seemed like every little thing, from clean socks to polished armour, seemed to remind him of Merlin.

The door swung open and slammed shut for Gwen to stride in like Arthur knew she would.  
"Merlin murdered Lord Godwyn?! It's insane!" She shouted.  
"I know it is." Arthur said calmly. They had this conversation in his head three different ways already.  
"Then get him out of the dungeon!" Gwen demanded.  
"I can't." He regrettably confessed. "The people heard Merlin did it and so will Elena. The only way to set him free is to catch the actual murderer."  
Guinevere pondered other options to set her friend free but none seem to come to mind.  
"Then there's another thing." Arthur continued "Merlin would never murder someone like this."  
Gwen knew something bad was coming and spoke with a slight tremor "But?"  
"We have to consider the possibility that Morgana controlled him all along." He replied with equal displeasure.  
Without another word Gwen left Arthur's study. He didn't do anything to stop her knowing his attempts would lead to nothing.

Gwen wanted to go home but couldn't hold her tears and went to one of the supply chambers instead. This couldn't be happening. Merlin didn't commit the murder, he couldn't have. He was one of the bravest and most caring people in the world. He was a man of justice. Not justice of law but justice of the heart and not his heart alone. She knew he served Arthur not only as a servant but as a moral compass as well. Now the world was upside down. It was Merlin who was in trouble and Arthur buried his head in politics. To make matters even worse Arthur even suggested Morgana still controlled him. Gwen knew she didn't. She had discreetly checked his neck and there was no Fomorroh. He even passed their stupid test. Merlin was Merlin and none other than Merlin.

How she wished Lancelot was still alive. He was one of few people she could truly connect with. Merlin was one of them and so was Arthur but neither of them was capable of comforting her. Noble, honourable Lancelot. A man who understood the meaning of sacrifice. With Arthur disappointing her so, she wished he had been selfish enough to be alive that day.

* * *

 

Brown leaves of fall surrounded the trees from which they fell. He felt cold, inside and out, but his hand was warm.

Drip.

Drip.

Dark red drops disturbed the texture of the leaves. His hand was wet and warm from the fluids that ran through it. He couldn't see what it was - all he saw were the leaves- but a metallic smell filled his nostrils. All he could do was feel. It was dread, anger and regret. There was pain burning inside him as if carrying a weight that was far too heavy. The mysterious strain was tingling throughout his body but didn't stop there. It surrounded him like the trees and leaves. He desperately tried to hold onto the feeling in the fear that the world would fall away if he let go.

Pain ran through his arm as he opened his eyes and saw the floor of a prison cell. He was in the dungeon and the nightmare left a sweaty mark on the back of his shirt. He had a throbbing headache. Whoever knocked him on the head had done it a bit too well. He wondered what everyone had been up to while he slept. One such answer came by looking at his jailor, Sir Percival.  
 _"Where to begin?"_ Merlin thought as he sat up but Percival noticed him and beat him to it.  
"Did you do it?" He asked brutally honest.  
Percival wasn't usually this forward but Merlin understood that his friends needed a straight answer from him.  
"No." The prisoner gave his straight answer.  
The muscular bloke stared at him for a moment and then visibly relaxed. At least someone believed him though it would pain him if any of the Knights didn't.  
"Morgana?" The burly man suggested and Merlin shook his head in denial.  
"The plot is her style but the target isn't."  
Percival nodded in agreement. Morgana would have targeted Arthur or maybe even Gwen, not Godwyn.  
"The other servant killed him but he's long gone." Merlin said with a slight smile. "There goes your trial."  
"Merlin," Percival tried to be gentle, "there won't be a trial."  
"What?!" The warlock exclaimed in shock although he knew the reason already.  
What he had supposedly done was no ordinary crime, it was treason. The rules had changed and so did the game. The trial was now unnecessary for his execution. That was the sentence for treason such as this.  
"Arthur told me to fetch him as soon as you're awake." Percival informed him.  
The manservant nodded and took a deep breath. This was quite a predicament he was in.  
"Bring Gaius as well." Merlin added.

The story was told without any interruptions and Gaius managed to successfully explain the workings of the Blood Crystal. It all seemed to be going well until Arthur started asking questions.  
"Why were you out of bed at such a late hour?" He asked.  
Merlin couldn't believe what he was hearing. Arthur was questioning his honesty? He didn't complain when the same tactic kept him safe from Morgana.  
"I couldn't sleep." Merlin replied casually.  
The King didn't like the answer. He wasn't going to question it but he always used that excuse and it was the same Morgana used. It only fuelled his depressing suspicions that Morgana had enchanted him.  
"Who or what should we be looking for?" The King asked Merlin.  
"Find the missing servant. If Gaius can prove he died before Godwyn then that would make the servant seen by the guards a sorcerer."  
Merlin could be quite bright at times, especially when it came to bending the rules. It wouldn't immediately make him innocent but it gave reasonable doubt. If there was a sorcerer in Camelot and Merlin's guilt uncertain then the execution would have to be cancelled. Elena could still push for his guilt and then it _would_ become a lengthy trial.  
"The Knights are already looking for him but they don't know he's probably dead." Arthur said.  
Merlin and Gaius briefly talked before the court physician left with the King. Once outside and out of earshot, Arthur approached Gaius for advice.  
"Gaius, there's something worrying me and I need to get it off my chest." He said.  
"What is it, Sire?" Gaius slipped into his role as family of the kingdom and keeper of secrets.  
"Do you think it possible Morgana enchanted him to do it?"  
Gaius moved uneasily at the disturbing thoughts of his King. "Magic comes in many shapes and forms. There are ways to bend the wills of man but I don't believe it to be the case. I would have taken notice."  
Arthur nodded in understanding but understanding should not be confused with acceptance. He didn't think Gaius to be a fool but he was an old man nonetheless. With all the strange things Merlin had done over the years, did anyone _really_ know Merlin?  
"And if he was indeed enchanted?" Arthur theorised.  
"Then it would have ended with the death of Godwyn."  
Regardless of the crime he may or may not have committed, there was at least one thing Arthur was sure about that moment.  
 _Merlin is Merlin_


	7. The Plan

Merlin laid on his back waiting for good news. He still had worries about his execution and the Knights' investigation into the missing servant. If only he didn't have a guard, usually one of the Knights, all to himself then maybe he could take on the guise of dragoon and do some inquiries on his own. It had been him that saved Arthur countless times, not the Knights. Using a sleeping spell had come to mind but there wasn't any opportunity. Either the guard was being relieved or someone came to visit him.

There was a surge of anger flowing through his veins when he heard Alined had departed and Trickler was now out of reach. Of course the cowardly bastard would retreat to his castle, he had what he wanted. Queen Elena, formerly Princess Elena, would be far easier to persuade than her father and if she declared war on Camelot then he'd have all he wanted. All of Merlin's hope was on the servant's dead body and that it was stuffed away somewhere in Camelot.

Gaius visited him most and they usually talked about the little things like his current patients. The old physician's worried frowns did not go unnoticed by his ward. Times like these it was Merlin that didn't know his guardian's mind rather than the other way around. The warlock could get quite frustrated with him as he had learned Gaius kept troublesome secrets in the past such as Morgause and Balinor's survival. He never told him the stories of their escape.  
"Gaius," Merlin interrupted him in the middle of a sentence, "what if Arthur can't prove my innocence?"  
He took a moment to find an answer. Old age didn't slow his mind but contemplation. Only fools rush in.   
"Even if he can't prove your innocence, he won't let you be executed. He is a good man, you've said so yourself." Gaius reminded him.  
It was true that Arthur would never give in without a fight but their friendship wasn't as strong as it used to be. Given time the cracks would heal but time was running out. Arthur was a just King but traces of Uther's manipulative parentage were still there.  
"He's also still his father's son." Merlin replied.  
"Only Uther is no longer around to influence him." Gaius countered and that was true as well.  
It had been a hell of a lot easier for Merlin to persuade Arthur than when Uther was still around.  
Merlin nodded at his guardian. It wouldn't be easy, putting all his faith and even his life in Arthur's hand, but they would come out stronger than ever.

Late in the afternoon, long after Gaius had left, Arthur finally came down the steps that led to the dungeon. The black bags beneath his eyes betrayed the long nights he had spent trying to find a way out.  
"I see you still manage to dress in the morning." Merlin joked in an attempt to lighten his mood.  
Arthur returned a smile. Their usual banter worked wonders for stress relief.  
"Glad to see you haven't lost your wit." He replied whilst taking something out his pocket. "One of the maids found this not far from Godwyn's chambers."  
Dangling from Arthur's hand was the Blood Crystal necklace as worn by Trickler. Merlin couldn't decide if it was a blessing or a curse. On one hand it revealed that the servant _might_ have been someone else, and on the other hand it would obscure the assassin's identity forever, especially knowing Trickler wasn't in Camelot anymore.  
"Does it still work?" Merlin asked.  
"Yes. That's how we found out she cut herself with it." Arthur replied.  
It meant that, as evidence, its value had become null. Merlin let his head hang for a moment before it popped up again with the most incredulous thought.  
"Did you wear it?" He asked with mirth in his eyes.  
If Arthur had worn it, Merlin could finally get back at him for his _"you're such a girl"_ comments. The King grinned widely which told plenty already. Someone had worn it but not the he himself.  
"Gwaine did." Arthur could barely contain himself and they burst into fits of laughter.  
Wiping tears of laughter from his eyes Merlin asked "Please tell me he asked if he could keep it."  
"No such luck." Arthur said with a sigh.  
Their conversation fell silent. A deafening silence. He was still on death row and it felt like no progress had been made. Merlin couldn't help but despair at the knowledge that a maid found the magical tool rather than the Knights who were investigating it.  
"Arthur, Elena will demand my execution the day she arrives - the day after tomorrow. If you can't prove my innocence, what then?"  
It was a sobering thought. She would arrive soon and although the crystal had been found, they hadn't really gotten closer to proof of his innocence.  
"You shouldn't think like that." He didn't want to talk about it.  
Merlin wasn't going to drop it. Arthur could be a bit of a snob from time to time. If he didn't want an emotional conversation with his manservant then he could stuff it. This was far too important, this was his life!  
"But if it does come to that... The Crystal could help. Magic _can_ be used for good." This wasn't one of the ways of getting Arthur to accept magic. Maybe a little bit but there was a far greater good in it, a bright shade of grey. It was a backup plan in case things turned out to be the worst they could be.  
"I'm not going to use magic, Merlin." Arthur refused.  
It visibly shook the manservant. Although he didn't know the full extent of it, Merlin was Arthur's magical good luck charm. All that magic in his defence and he wouldn't return any of it.  
"You'd rather-" Merlin started when Arthur interrupted him.  
"Because I don't need to." He said with his 'know-it-all' smile, "I have a plan, don't worry."  
The prisoner let out a sigh of relief. For a moment there he thought his time was up  
"What is it? What's the plan?" Merlin asked.  
Arthur shook his head. He wasn't going to tell.  
"I can't tell you. When you're out there, you need to look the part."  
Apparently he thought his friend would smile and skip if he knew the plan. They could bicker about it for hours and, in the current situation, Arthur would just walk away. Gaius told him to have faith in his friend and, looking at the world a bit more positive, they did find the Blood Crystal.  
"I... Okay. I trust you." Merlin gave him the benefit of the doubt.

The next day seemed to pass in silence. He tried to figure out what Arthur's plan was by talking to the Knights, whenever they guarded him, but they kept their lips shut tight. It didn't make him exceptionally nervous but he was extremely curious. Eventually he gave up on trying to find out what it was and instead kept his mind on the spells he recently came across. At dusk he could hear the sound of rushed footsteps. Something was going on upstairs but Merlin did not find out until about an hour later when Gwen came to visit.

He saw her approach in the white and blue dress one would often find her in.  
"Elyan, would you unlock the door for me?" Gwen asked her brother.  
She had a lot of leverage on him but refusing her wasn't an option anyhow. Doing so would mean he did not believe in Merlin's innocence and she, or Arthur, would give him hell. Elyan opened the cell door and his sister made yet another request.  
"Could you leave us for a moment?" She asked sweetly.  
The reluctance in his eyes was unmistakably there but the same reasons to listen applied and he did as she asked. Once Elyan was no longer in sight and earshot, Gwen stepped into the cell.  
"I hate talking through prison bars. You don't belong in here." She said as if needing to explain herself.  
Merlin saw how thoroughly upset she was and put an hand on her shoulder. He was about to speak when she moved closer to him and brought her arms around his lanky figure, hugging him like a teddy bear. The crush she had on him had ended years ago but he still held a special place in her heart. She saw him as a brother who believed in her innocence and to whom she could voice her worries. Hwis hand gently rubbed her back and he smiled silently.

She moved back again and cleared her throat. "Elena arrived about an hour ago."  
Merlin nodded, acknowledging the fact. He had, after all, heard the noise.  
"Arthur still hasn't found anything." Merlin spoke sadly.  
"I... Arthur..." She wanted to say something but couldn't find the words and pouted instead.  
It didn't take a bright mind to see what was going on.  
"You know about his plan?" Merlin asked.  
"He said not to tell you." She said with a shy smile.  
"He showed his hand when I asked him to use the Blood Crystal. So what's he up to?" He thought he would finally be getting some answers.  
"I don't know, I didn't ask for details."  
"None of the Knights will tell me. I can only guess it's risky and they will tell me at the last moment so I can't object." He said with a smirk.  
Their conversation moved on to more trivial things after that and ended well into the evening.

Elyan had been relieved by Gwaine. Merlin and Gwaine had more in common than he had with Elyan. The roguish Knight had a lot to say and Merlin welcomed the distraction. Gwaine didn't speak of the Knights' investigation into the death of Godwyn for the simple reason that Merlin did not ask. Instead the room was filled with talk of tavern wenches until it was time to go to sleep and Merlin tried asking one more time.  
"I'm supposed to be beheaded tomorrow. Shouldn't you tell me how you planned to help me escape?"  
"Tomorrow." Gwaine tried postponing it and the Merlin laid back on the bed.  
The Knight took a look at Merlin who was staring at the ceiling. All the Knights knew Merlin wasn't capable of treason. The boy was fiercely loyal to Arthur and the manservant knew him longer than any Knight save for Sir Leon. This was the man he had polished boots with to pay for his drinking debt and didn't get upset when they pulled a prank on him. Gwaine loved to 'lure' him away from his chores and go to the tavern. A drunk Merlin was comically clumsy.  
"Merlin?"  
The prisoner turned his head to look at him but remained on his back. His face was so full of hope and trust that Gwaine couldn't keep it to himself anymore.

The Knight swallowed loudly and spoke softly, "There is no plan."


	8. Sacrifice

_The Knight swallowed loudly and spoke softly, "There is no plan."_

Gaius said he couldn't help him and told him to have faith, Arthur said he wouldn't let him die, Gwen said Arthur had a plan and so did the Knights. But it wasn't true. Without a plan or anybody to save him the world became cold. His mouth felt dry, his face was drained of all colour and his heart ached as it began beating faster and faster. A shiver ran down his spine as he realised that Elena was already there and tomorrow would be the day of his execution.

"I'm going to die." Merlin realised.

Gwaine found that he was wrong. Seeing Merlin hope while there was none to be had was cruel but it would have spared him the sight of this.

"What should I do?" The Knight asked him.

Merlin gawked at him. What the hell was he on about? Surely he wasn't actually asking Merlin to order him to do something.

"You always get Arthur out of trouble. Can you escape if I help you?" Gwaine clarified.

The manservant found it touching that Gwaine would risk getting Camelot's wrath upon him for his life. There weren't any ideas save for boyish dreams of fighting their way out. Despite being on death row Merlin didn't want to endanger his friend. It was wrong that he had to ask. It should have been Arthur asking him that question but Merlin had given him a plan before and he turned it down. It was a bitter pill to swallow but there was no escape. This would be the end.

"No." Merlin told his friend who then looked down in grief.

There was one last thing Merlin could and wanted to do. It could ease his friend's pain if that was possible or double his guilt. Risk and reward seemed petty things to worry about when people look at you when you're already dead.

"But there's something you can do when I'm gone." Merlin continued.

Gwaine raised his head and looked at his friend. The rogue had always been more loyal to him than any man before him. He would fullfill his dying wish, he deserved it for all the adventures they had and the pain they shared.

"Anything." The Knight replied.  
"Tell Arthur I have magic." Merlin confessed.  
"I don't understand."  
"All my life I've sought to give it purpose and I found it in Camelot. Arthur will bring magic back to Albion, he is destined to, but it seems it won't happen in my lifetime."  
"You have magic?" repeated Gwaine.  
"Born with it." continued the warlock, "My mother isn't a sorceress but she taught me to use it for good."  
"So the whole clumsy manservant was an act?" asked Gwaine who gave him an incredulous look.  
"No. I really am _that_ clumsy." Merlin laughed before his face turned rather grim.  
Gwaine saw the pain in his eyes. It was pain representing years of sacrifice from the shadows with little to no recognition at all. It took a very special person to bear such a burden.  
"You could escape in the blink of an eye, couldn't you?" Asked Gwaine.  
"I don't want to harden his heart against magic. He's my friend. He'll see reason when you tell him the truth in case Gaius doesn't."  
He had always been a mystery to Gwaine and although part of it was revealed at last, there was an even greater part still shrouded in darkness. For someone to hide a deadly truth for so long from all the ones he loved, and wanted to keep safe, had to make him a very special but also a very lonely person. It didn't surprise Gwaine that Gaius knew. The old physician was a sorcerer in the days before the Great Purge and it made sense he would ask for his aid in times of great need.  
"I imagined he'd do this if he found out about my magic, not for some stupid game of politics." Said Merlin.  
Gwaine smiled sadly. This conversation reminded him of the one they had when he told him about Arthur.  
"When we first met I hated nobility. You showed me I was wrong but now he's proving me right."  
Merlin didn't say anything to prove otherwise but simply nodded. They both knew what Gwaine was going to do after the beheading. He was going to resign from the Knights and leave Camelot to return his vagabond way of life. The warlock didn't ask his friend to keep Arthur safe nor did he tell him about the traitor in their midst, Agravaine. As time ticked away towards his death, Merlin found himself caring less and less about what would happen when he was gone.

That night he began looking back on what was and could have been. _Think about it._ It was difficult to forget and now he found himself wanting to say yes. He would give a lot to see her smile one last time. Not a smirk but a real smile out of joy and happiness rather than contempt. The red dress she wore during the feast with Mary Collins was a bittersweet memory. Those red, tempting lips and curly black hair had captivated him the moment he laid eyes on her. It was like a fairy tale that whoever would taste those lips would be forever enchanted to love her. Like every fairy tale, this treasure had a guardian. In her case it really was her guardian, Uther Pendragon. She hated him so much and that hatred tainted her. Tainted. It wasn't until Merlin gave the final push that the taint turned to poison.

Dawn. An execution was to be had in the red of the morning sun.

It wasn't Gwaine or Arthur that came to collect him but Agravaine, alone. Merlin felt nauseous knowing that the end was nigh. The traitor must have been glad he would soon be rid of him since he was strangely polite. Maybe Morgana told him that he had been a worthy opponent and deserved at least some kindness before his death.

Right before they would leave the dungeons, Merlin turned towards Agravaine.  
"There's something I'd like to know, milord."  
"What's that?" The man asked curiously.  
"Did you and Morgana help him?"  
Agravaine thought visibly and Merlin added, "A dying man's last request? No one will believe me anyway."  
He almost chuckled but turned serious and replied.  
"No, we didn't."

It was truth. If Agravaine had lied then he would have lied about being in league with her. Somewhere Merlin felt disappointed. He had seen everyone before his execution save for her. He missed her now that everything would end. Gods, who would tell his mother?

Reaching the courtyard he felt like puking. He wasn't ready yet. There was so much shouting but he couldn't hear what was said. Agravaine brought him onto the wooden podium and Merlin trembled with fear as he saw the chopping block. Tears ran down his face as he saw his friends among the crowd. Gwen stood by the gate that led to the lower town, Gwaine sat on the wall with Percival, Arthur stood on the balcony with Elena and Gaius stood in a corridor, nearly obscured from sight. There was sadness on all their faces, even Elena's but that was for obvious reasons. He could see Arthur's pain but somewhere it didn't seem enough. He had lied to him and although he could be forgiven, this was the worst possible way to find out.

Merlin knew he had a right to be angry only he wasn't. This would be for the greater good if such a thing existed. It would be an act of faith in Arthur, Gwen and the future of Camelot. All he could ask for was not to be forgotten when the history books would be written. Some said that sacrifice was a virtue. He hoped that it would be true and he may be forgiven his other sins in return. Who would be waiting for him on the other side? William, Freya, Lancelot and his father. He looked forward to seeing them again but it felt like it wasn't his time yet. He wasn't finished in the world of the living. There were people he would be leaving behind. He would never see Arthur and Gwen marry and have children or see Sir Leon admit his feelings to that barmaid. He would never see the legendary day that Gwaine would settle down with a woman or maybe even a man. Never would he witness Percival give a monologue.

Arthur made a speech but all Merlin did was look at the dark clouds at the horizon. He heard words and phrases but sadly enough it was just the sentencing, nothing personal. He put his head on the block and his mind was empty. There were no words for it. It shouldn't have come as a surprise that he would die for his King- friend. Merlin had always thought that he'd get himself in a position like this because of magic rather than politics. He'd let it happen however unjust it would be. He would sacrifice himself out of love for King and country. He had served his King well and led a short but full and extraordinary life of adventure.

And sacrifice. Sacrifice for the destiny he would never see.

_then world changed_

_by the deeds of one man_

_he did not become a part of history_

_he would fall into oblivion and be forgotten_

_but his importance was great_

_for he uttered three words that changed the warlock's world_

"Kill the traitor!"

The words ricocheted in the warlock's mind.

He would go into the annals of history as a traitor. Friendship, destiny and faith kept him on the righteous path but now they faded away.

Friendship was a lie. He ordered his execution, he lied to him about having an escape plan and not a word was spoken in his defence.

Destiny was gone. Who would look after the King when he was gone? There was no one to pick up where he left off. Kilgharrah's promise of a golden age was worthless.

Faith was underserved. Arthur, Gwen, the Knights and even Gaius kept telling him there was a plan. He trusted and had faith in them. Only Gwaine had the heart to speak the truth.

Hollow, that's how he felt. Betrayed by everyone and everything after all the sacrifice. Where once was love, there was nothing left.

The wooden podium magically gave way beneath the executioner and seemed to trap him. The crowd was silent as Merlin stood up straight and looked at Arthur on the balcony.  
 _"I trusted you."_ He pushed the thought, a sad whisper, into Arthur's mind.  
The King visibly recoiled out of fear. Did Merlin just use magic? It was impossible, it was his imagination.  
"Arthur?"  A worried Queen Elena asked besides him.  
 _"Farewell."_ Merlin whispered in Arthur's mind and even waved at him as he said it.  
He closed his eyes and chanted.  
" _Bedyrene mec. Astyre mec thanonweard._ "  
The winds took him from the stage and no one understood what had happened.


	9. Dark Clouds

The smell of wet grass filled his nostrils. With great difficulty he turned on his back to relieve the pressure from his chest and noticed the black clouds. A soft drizzle touched his face and he remembered the nightmare from which he had escaped. His death. He felt dead too but for a completely different reason. His limbs ached, his eyes burned and he was still nauseous though far less than when his head was on the block. He had used the same spell Morgause had when she escaped with Morgana only slightly different. The warlock knew little of the spell in particular and it had not been kind to him. Rumours would start spreading from Camelot about the magical disposition of the King's manservant. It hurt Merlin to think that they were enemies now. Politically at the very least and that was exactly what Arthur did.

Merlin forced himself to stand up and took in his surroundings. He was in the Valley of the Fallen Kings, Morgana's territory. After losing so much he couldn't really care where he would land. The only place he couldn't go was home. Neither Ealdor nor Camelot, the two places where he felt at home, were safe. One was dangerous for obvious reasons and the other would be in danger because of him.

Destiny seemed to be thrown out the window and the question was risen once more. What was his destiny? Rather than philosophize on it, Merlin sought out a clearing and called for the dragon. The majestic beast of old soon arrived and it seemed that he was not the only one with questions.  
"Warlock, what are you doing here?" Kilgharrah asked.  
"Arthur nearly had me executed. I used magic to escape, he saw it, there was no other way." Merlin half-confessed and half-apologized.  
"It's not the way it's meant to be." Kilgharrah replied in a way of ' _I told you so_ '.  
Merlin sighed at the dragon's obvious answer.  
"Morgana will know my secret."  
The dragon cocked it's head in confusion. Apparently there was a big misunderstanding between them.  
"What _should_ it have been?" Merlin asked critically.  
The warlock could tell Kilgharrah didn't want to say. He wasn't going to ask again. The world was in too much shit for him to show respect towards the elderly dragon. It became a staring contest though the dragon quickly gave in. He was a dragonlord and could demand to know. Telling him out of free will might lessen his anger to some extent.  
"You were supposed to die." He confessed.  
Merlin's mind was raging even more than before. Kilgharrah's so called destiny for him was to become a martyr, nothing more. What kind of a future was that? No life, no freedom, no family, no legacy but to die as a traitor.  
"Morgana is still out there!" Merlin argued that his destiny had not yet come to an end.  
Arthur was to unite Albion and if she still lived then it would not come to pass for the simple reason that someone needed to stop her.  
"I told you, warlock. I told you time and again to kill the witch." He said.  
Merlin shook his head in denial even thought it was quite possibly true. He blamed Kilgharrah for all of it. The secrets and vague riddles were his fault. Rather than being straight forward with him, Kilgharrah always waited for the least conventient time to tell the truth as he had done with Mordred's destiny to kill Arthur.  
"You should have chosen between Arthur and Morgana, you couldn't have both." The dragon scolded him.  
With every word the dragon uttered, with every secret he revealed, Merlin became more and more angry. The dragon spoke of choosing whereas, in the past, he had always said Arthur was the future King and Morgana was his nemesis.  
"You never said I had a choice in the matter. You took that choice from me!" Merlin shouted.  
Kilgharrah was taken aback by the gold in the dragonlord's eyes. Too late he realised that the words revealed his carefully placed betrayal. If anyone with magic was close by, they would have felt the magic surging through the air. Anyone else would just have seen a man staring at the dragon in anger.  
Merlin opened his mouth and spoke in the dragon tongue, _"I hereby exile you from Albion for a year and you shall visit me the moment you enter its border so I may pass judgement once more."_  
This time it was Kilgharrah's turn to be surprise. His dragonlord was sending him into exile. Merlin didn't banish him for all eternity, that was foolish, but he needed him to be gone so he could clear his head. A year was plenty of time and a mere moment in a dragon's great lifespan.  
"Merlin, please-"  
"NO!" Merlin denied him any discussion. It was a dragon's last resort at refusing a dragonlord's command. End of discussion meant he had to obey.  
Kilgharrah went into the air without another word or warning. He was speechless and the future was so very full of uncertainties that any vague warning would be in vain.

As the dragon faded from view Merlin noticed the clouds grew darker. The soft drizzle would soon turn to a heavy rain. He should find shelter. This was the Valley of the Fallen Kings, there should be plenty tiny caves where he could find shelter. One just had to know where they were and Merlin didn't.

Morgana roamed the forest as she usually did. She refused to rely on Agravaine for everything. Mushrooms were abundant in the Valley and there was plenty of wildlife to live on. Whenever her spy reported back to her it was not unusual for him to bring something such as food or wine. She would accept it in the most appauling fashion such as putting it on a shelf and letting it rot or, in the case of wine, smash the bottle whenever he would fail her.

Twigs snapped and Morgana looked around to see where it came from. There, in the middle of _her_ forest, walked Merlin. She had felt some grief when she heard he would be executed but ultimately she found that he got what he deserved. Morgana noticed he wasn't even looking where he was going. He was at the ground with his hands in his pockets.  
"Merlin!" She shouted in both surprise and anger.  
Part of her was curious how he had escaped from his own execution. He looked at her and found it strange not to see her as an enemy. That didn't make her any less dangerous though.  
"I should have known Arthur would never follow through with it." She smiled weakly as a way of taunting him but he didn't retort.  
The young man put his back against a nearby tree and sighed.  
"What do you want, Morgana?" He asked.  
Finally he looked her in the eye and, to her, something didn't feel right. It wasn't the upbeat manservant he was before. Something had changed. The joy had faded from his eyes and was replaced by a hard stare. Could it be Arthur did not help him escape and left him to die?  
"What happened?" It sounded like there was concern in her voice but Merlin didn't let it get to him.  
"Nothing." He answered reluctantly ,"He said he'd help me and he did nothing."  
Her lips parted. Arthur was going to let him be executed? They were thick as thieves, nothing could tear them apart.  
"How did you escape?" She wondered out loud.  
The question rang the warning bells inside his head. Kilgharrah and Gaius told him to keep it secret but both of them were merely old men. They had great knowledge but their wisdom did not save him from execution and neither did it ease the suffering brought onto him by destiny. They didn't have an answer for the dreaded world that now existed. All they did was make the choices for him, choices he should have made for himself. Gaius had left sorcery behind him and Kilgharrah did not interact with the world itself. Relics of the past or so the saying goes.  
"Magic." Merlin confessed. If it wasn't for the serious look on his face Morgana would have thought he was joking.  
"Gaius." Morgana concluded with something of approval in her voice but Merlin shook his head.  
He took yet another deep breath.  
"Mine. I have magic." He confessed.  
There was no point in hiding it anymore. His secrets only hurt those closest to him. Agravaine would probably be heading for her hovel already. She would know, either from him or someone that witnessed the act.

Morgana's mind needed a moment to process this new information. The first word that came to mind was _kin_ , rather than traitor. She wondered how powerful he was. Powerful enough to escape from Camelot which implied some sort of proficiency. He wasn't almighty. He couldn't vanquish the hellhound on his own for example. Just how long had he gone unnoticed? One thing seemed certain. He practised the arcane arts against her.   
"Your betrayal runs much deeper than I thought."  
Morgana's words had less of an impact than she had hoped for. No doubt his execution had left him feeling a bit numb.  
"Join me." She said, "Help me conquer Camelot and I'll forgive you."  
Merlin caught himself considering her proposal. Destiny had forsaken him but Arthur's destiny, although uncertain, might still be fulfilled. A glimmer of hope.  
"No." He said.  
He would not let his emotions get the best of him as had happened with Morgana. Arthur wasn't to be damned. There was a chance he would still grow to become the one and future King. Morgana frowned at him and Merlin knew she only saw friends and foes and nothing in between. He knew what came next.

 _"Hleap on baec!"_  
 _"Shieldan!"_ Merlin countered and her spell seemed to fly over the invisible shield like the sun would blind glass. _"Feall!"  
_ Morgana heard the treebranch break above her and moved out of the way just in time. She chuckled at the pathetic piece of wood. _  
_"Is that all you've..." She trailed off.  He had disappeared, it had merely been a distraction. "Coward!" She shouted in the hope that he would betray his position.  
 _"I've fought sorcerers before."_ His telepathy took her aback.  
Her only combat experience was that one duel with Emrys and she didn't win. He had the upper hand and it made her incredibly uncomfortable.  
 _"This is MY forest, dammit."_ She cursed in her mind.  
Somewhere she hoped he had left but such was not the case.  
" _Forb fleoghe._ "  
A sudden force blew her to the ground. She looked in the direction the blow had come from and saw the bright light of fire. Morgana rolled out of the way barely in time as the fire scorched the earth her body laid seconds ago. She quickly scrambled to her feet and her eyes sought his lanky figure amongst the trees.  
 _"He's controls fire. HE'S THROWING BLOODY FIRE AT ME!"_ Panic and fear ruled her mind.   
This fight could not be won. The High Priestess refused to believe he was more powerful than her but he _was_ more experienced and had a strategy to go with it. With great caution she backed away from him, or where she thought he was.

Merlin could hear her leave and let her go. He didn't intend to kill her. She just needed to know she shouldn't try to mess with him. The sky was still filled with rainy clouds but finding shelter didn't seem all that important anymore. He had to move on. There was one last place he could go to. It was further away from Camelot than Morgana's hovel and neither of them would look for him there.


	10. A Place to Call Home

It was a relatively short ride from the Valley of the Fallen Kings but Merlin was exhausted when he finally arrived at the ominous little boat. He pushed off with his magic and gazed upon the Isle of the Blessed with different eyes. Before the Great Purge it was the absolute pinnacle of magic. Half a century ago this little island was brimming with magic of all sorts and a beacon of hope not only towards sorcerers. People came from everywhere were welcome to find healing and guidance. Then the Purge brought ruin and despair. Ever since then it had been abused by black magic; first by Nimueh and then again to tear the veil. Now it was to be his sanctuary from Camelot and Morgana. Their war did not concern him. He just wanted to be left alone.

Merlin wasn't at ease as he walked through the debris left by the war. He crossed the courtyard where Nimueh handed him the Cup of Life and observed the spot where Morgana had broken the veil. He could still feel the charge of magic in the air.

 _"A reminder of what I mustn't become."_ He thought.

This would be his home and it was time he became acquainted with it. Thankfully it wasn't hide-and-seek. Letting magic slip through his hands he could feel it pull in several directions. Merlin decided to follow them. One led to an old library where most bookcases had been burned to the ground. Books were scattered everywhere and only a rare few were still readable. The second path led to a great hall of which the ceiling showed the stars even though it was bright as day outside. Merlin had heard of magic chambers but thought they did not, or at least no longer, existed. This was a magical observatory showing stars and planets.

The third path was the greatest surprise of all. It first led to a room that seemed to have been spared by the purge. It had several chairs made of a dark wood upholstered with blue leather, there were several bookcases of which half was filled with books, a desk which had been seen as expensive long ago and finally a fireplace which still burned with a self-sustaining fire. The path didn't end there but led Merlin through another door into a narrow corridor. There were doors on either side of him but magic pulled him to one door in particular. Opening it he saw a double bed with red covers, a wardrobe and an oak desk, littered with books, with matching chair. The floor was covered with runes Merlin did not know the meaning of.

The warlock opened another door in the corridor. The room had the same layout but lay in ruins, completely scorched black by fire. It was clear that whoever had been living there had tried to fix the place up a bit. Was it Nimueh? Not unlikely.

He went back to Nimueh's room and took a look at the books on the desk. They were complete. No burn marks and, quickly flipping through them, there didn't seem to be any pages missing. But besides all the literature with their titles on the front, there was a notebook. It was a journal of sorts but it spoke of events happening years ago. He sat down on the bed and began reading.

It was indeed Nimueh's chamber he was in. Her name did not appear but the words 'ragged red dress' said enough. The person writing the journal did 'talk' like Nimueh but that's where the comparison ended. This woman was in mourning, nothing vengeful about it. She blamed herself for everything, her _mistake_. The journal entailed how she tried to restore the Isle to its former glory but it would take ages to do so. Sometimes she would reminisce about the order of things when the Isle was seemingly untouchable. Within the Isle the ranks were novice, apprentice, sorcerer, priest and high priest. It was the same for women although the priestesses and high priestesses stood higher than their male counterparts due to their greater connection to the Triple Goddess. Besides the natural order of things there were seers, enchanters, healers, alchemists, apothecaries and, usually away from the Isle, advisors. All in all, the Isle was a city in its own right.

Nimueh hadn't always been as evil as she was when he met her. She was an accomplished sorceress with her own chambers albeit a small one. High Priestess was a title that came with skill and knowledge which could mean she either became High Priestess after the Purge or that her room or study had been destroyed. Merlin's view on Nimueh changed but not much. He always pitied her for being consumed by hatred. Now he pitied her for trying so hard to fix things only to fall in the end.

 _"Remind you of someone?"_ Spoke a voice in the back of his head.  
Merlin physically shook his head. He knew the danger and saw what would become of him if he truly lost his senses. It would never come to that. Dismissing all thoughts he continued reading.

The journal was completely filled but ended without abruptly. It was possible she stopped writing in her journal after that. Merlin took this time to take a peek in the other rooms connected to the corridor. Most of them were in ashes but one of them contained something of an altar with a bowl of water upon it and another was an alchemy chamber. Nimueh didn't just have her own room, she had her own wing.

Gaius lacked the equipment to properly educate a sorcerer. Here, where the heart of magic once lay, Merlin had everything he needed to become just that.

* * *

 

Morgana sat in her hovel thinking over what she had done. Merlin was a sorcerer and a powerful one at that. Although he had declined her offer, attacking him was a mistake. Their duel had no victor but it was quite clear he was an equal and not one to be trifled with. She thought he would be either friend or foe when all he wanted to do was withdraw from their war. Throughout his stay in Camelot he never said a word to her about it. She was angry with him and yet, at the same time, pitied him. He considered Arthur a friend and protected him while the young King would let him die so easily after all they had been through. Of course the idiot didn't know about his manservant's magic. He could be so very thick at times. It had always been him, Merlin the manservant, which kept Camelot safe.

 _"What if Merlin was Emrys' apprentice?"_ It was an alarming thought that sent a shiver down her spine.   
_"He was his pawn as I was Morgause's. So when he couldn't do it, Emrys would step in. The Serkets, the Eye of the Phoenix, the Fommorroh. It all makes sense."  
_ Morgana smiled slightly as she realised something.  
 _"He betrayed me for Emrys and now he will follow him no more. My magic challenged him and with Merlin's help I can defeat him. Emrys doesn't have to be my doom. But can I do it? Can I change his mind before Arthur does?"_


	11. Mistakes

_"Can I change his mind before Arthur does?"_

Weeks had passed since Merlin escaped his execution, with magic no less, it worried Arthur to no end. Before the execution the young King had asked for more time to investigate but to Queen Elena that wasn't an option. They had a suspect who walked the corridors at an ungodly hour, they had the murder weapon and a witness, a loyal servant of Gawant, that saw him there along with several of the guards. No one saw the actual murder but there were strong implications that he had done it. Arthur couldn't show her the blood crystals as they had been wiped clean of the true murderer's identity - the maid that found it had accidentally cut herself with it. Showing it to her now seems like showing off the power of magic. Earlier, Gwen had suggested he bargain with her for more time but that didn't work. Elena wanted justice for her father's death and she wanted it to be over. Nothing could make her change her mind. Merlin's magic only strengthened her belief that he was the murderer. Why else would a sorcerer risk his life walking in the lion's den as a servant? The Queen of Gawant departed the day after the execution and spoke a few words of comfort either out of kindness or respect. The alliance had wavered but did not fall. Furthermore, Merlin was now a wanted criminal for treason and magic. Arthur couldn't fathom how Merlin had kept it secret. It was Merlin, Merlin the Clumsy, Merlin the Servant, Merlin the Girl. There were hardly any secrets between them and then, all of a sudden, Merlin used magic. How did he manage with the stress of such a secret?

The King paid Gaius a visit some time ago and he explained how often his ward had used it for the better. It made things much, much clearer. And yet, Arthur was confused. His father preached that magic was evil but now the lines had blurred. Perhaps that was what his friend meant with thinking in shades of grey rather than black and white. There were so many questions in his mind and no one other than the man himself could answer them. Arthur's every instinct said he should go after him though, in his heart, Merlin's fate was undecided. Damnation or deliverance? Even if Merlin could never return to Camelot it didn't mean he could just forget about him. Merlin had saved him more than once, he deserved some sort of reward. That wasn't the complete truth. Would it really be a reward for the past or was it insurance for the future? Merlin had every reason to join Morgana in her war against Camelot. That was the greatest fear of all.

Arthur had tried discussing the matter with some of the Knights but that didn't go very well. Percival was as silent as ever and, surprisingly enough, so was Gwaine. Sir Leon told him to do what he thought right and Elyan avoided the matter entirely by stating he didn't know him well enough. Gwen refused to answer his questions and blatantly scolded him for being so careless. Her words reminded him of what Merlin said about 'caring at all'. He (verbally) lashed out towards Gwen who now refused to speak with him entirely. His uncle seemed to be the only one actually capable of voicing his view on the subject. It made for a lonely King whose shoulders wore a burden he couldn't bear on his own.

Gwaine found himself in the most unlikely place of all. Gwen's home. She had seen him sitting by the well in the lower town without his armour on and, most disturbingly, silent. Anyone could tell he wasn't alright, none of them was. They talked a lot, mostly about Merlin, and slowly but surely the arrived at the events that led up to his execution.  
"He told me he had magic." Gwaine confessed.  
The Knight hadn't told Arthur about it seeing as he didn't need to anymore. He had thoughts of leaving Camelot but Merlin might need a friend should he ever decide to return for whatever reason that might be.  
"When?" Gwen was curious.  
"The night before his execution. He wanted me to tell Arthur after he was dead."  
Gwen was lost in thought for a moment. Morgana was the most powerful sorceress she knew and she let it corrupt her. Associating Merlin with magic turned things upside down. She didn't lose two friends because of they had magic. She lost them because of the ban. All it brought them was pain.  
"He was going to let it happen, let himself be killed?" She asked.  
Gwaine nodded silently. Gwen covered her mouth and tears began to run down her cheeks. It was sick and gut-wrenching to think someone would let himself die like that. She remembered neither he nor Arthur had spoken out against the trial. The Knight brought her to his chest and rubbed her back so she would know she was not alone in her pain. Merlin might not have died but that didn't mean it hadn't left a hole in their hearts.  
"He's still alive. There's comfort to be found in that." Gwaine did his best to comfort her.  
The woman's sobbing slowly eased into the occasional sniff. At last she had found someone who understood the pain that bothered her so.  
"He'll come to his senses." Both knew Gwaine meant Arthur with 'he' though Gwen did not share the faith he seemed to have in the King.  
Merlin had always acted as his friend's conscience and Gwen worried that, without him, it left Arthur without one.  She made up her mind and removed Gwaine's hands from her back.  
"There's something I have to do." She said determinedly.

Gwen was on her way to Arthur study. Her mind was made up. Merlin, magic or no magic, was a good man. He always was. Things needed to change and even yesterday wasn't soon enough. If Arthur didn't put things right, then she would have to do it for him. Changing his mind wasn't going to be pretty but it was necessary. If he didn't do it then he wasn't the man she thought he was.

She gently knocked on the door of Arthur's study and slowly opened the door.  
"Arthur?" She asked as she stepped inside.  
With weary eyes the King looked up from his work. He was glad to see her but her visits hadn't been reasons for joy since Merlin's near-execution.  
"There's something I want to talk to you about." She said.  
"Merlin."  
She nodded as she moved closer to Arthur's desk.  
"I know I can't ask you to bring Merlin back." Gwen admitted, "That's why I want you to lift the ban on magic."  
Arthur frowned at the idea. If magic was free then Morgana could openly recruit an army of sorcerers.  
"Sorry?"  
"Magic isn't evil, Arthur. It can be used for good, Merlin has proven that." Gwen pleaded for her friend's case.  
"Who says he hasn't joined Morgana and wants to remove me from the throne?" Arthur asked.   
Gwen shook her head in disbelief. Merlin would never act against Camelot and the people he had protected for so long.  
"Who says he has?" Gwen argued.  
"Reason." Arthur said as he looked down in shame, "I lied about having a plan."  
"I noticed!" She snapped.  
A moment of silence followed. It gave Arthur the chance to recollect his thoughts and for Gwen to find more ideas on how to get what she wanted, for Merlin.  
"I can't lift the ban for the sake of one person." Arthur said.  
He was trying to explain that his hands were tied but Gwen didn't think it good enough.  
"You owe it to him!" She said in outrage.  
She remembered the times Merlin saved them, even as a couple. The kiss that broke his cursed infatuations with Lady Vivian was _his_ idea. They owed him more than they would ever know.  
"Agravaine said to do nothing until I know what has become of him."  
It was blind faith in her opinion. The man apparently didn't know Merlin the way they did. If he did then he would know Merlin had a heart of gold and his loyalty was unquestionable.  
"And I'm telling you that Merlin would never help her." She kept trying to convince him but to no avail.  
Arthur understood her concern but she was too close to the fire to give an object view.  
"Guinevere," He used her full name which she knew was as an ill omen, "with all due respect, you're a servant, not my advisor."  
Her jaw dropped. That's what he thought of her, a servant?  
"Sire, _with all due respect_ , maybe it's best we just stayed friends."  
He heard she was upset along with sudden distance and formality but the words alone were enough.  
"What? Why? There's nothing wrong with us." He knew it was because of Merlin but it didn't stop him from trying.  
"I don't understand you anymore, Arthur. Merlin was your friend and you did nothing to save him. You even assume that if he's not with you, he'll be against you. But do you really think he'll help Morgana when she's tortured him in the past?"  
She opened the door to leave but looked back at Arthur one more time. She saw a flash of guilt in his eyes but it wasn't enough yet.  
"I hope you change your mind before it _is_ too late." Gwen said referring to both Merlin and their relationship.

* * *

 

Later that day, in the middle of the night, Agravaine du Bois travelled through the Valley of the Fallen Kings. The man was disgusted by his nephew's weakness. He was being torn apart by Merlin's revelation. The boy was no threat to the Kingdom but Morgana had convinced him, Agravaine, to keep Arthur from contacting him until they, he and Morgana, knew what to do.

Dismounting at the witch's hovel, Agravaine wondered how much praise he would get for what he brought her.  
"Milady." He called moments before opening the door.  
Morgana was reading a book by the table at the other end of the room. She had become a lot calmer with the knowledge that Merlin would no longer interfere with her plans. What annoyed Agravaine was that she also seemed to be less interested in him.  
"What news do you have for me, Agravaine?" She asked without looking up.  
"It may please you to know that Guinevere has put an end to her relationship with Arthur."  
The High Priestess smiled to herself. Arthur and Gwen were a couple that only worked when things were well. It seemed that, without Merlin, things were starting to fall apart by themselves.  
"In an argument, no doubt." She replied.  
"A very interesting argument, milady."  
The smug look on his face told her this would be as surprising as his previous bit of news.  
"She wants Arthur to lift the ban on magic for Merlin's sake. He is considering to do it." He reported.  
"Considering isn't enough." She said vindictively, "What would put his decision in our favour?"  
Agravaine took pride in her little outburst and replied, "Merlin."  
She sighed at the man's ignorant answer, "Be specific."  
"Arthur's mind is bothered by Merlin's magic and wants to find out if magic is evil by talking to him."  
"I'm sure you've pointed out the flaw in that plan. He doesn't want to be found."  
She hadn't really tried but, when listening carefully, one would always hear rumours of possible sorcerers. There had been no change as far as she could tell.  
"Correct." Agravaine continued, "That's why he has commanded me to take several Knights across the border with Essetir and bring back Hunith of Ealdor."  
"Arthur wants to kidnap his mother?" Morgana never thought he'd go that far, "How dare he!"  
"I fail to see how this upsets you."   
"Because it's _none_ of your business." She snapped, "Delay them as much as you can."  
"What are you going to do, Milady?"  
"I'm going to find Merlin."


	12. Merlin, Sorcerer

_"I'm going to find Merlin."_

Morgana did not have a plan when she said she was going to find the sorcerer. There were only the obvious facts that he would not be in Camelot or Ealdor. Having magic herself, Morgana knew that after becoming skilful one does not consider 'retiring' an option. He was too powerful to give it all up. At some point the arts became a way of life. A sorcerer like him would never settle down and give up practicing. Where would he have gone? There were the Catha, the Druids, the Blood Guard and the Saxons in the north. Apart from factions there were many abandoned castles in and surrounding Camelot.

Likeliness was what it all boiled down to. Merlin would never join the Catha or seek refuge with the Blood Guard. The Saxons had declared themselves an enemy of Camelot so he wouldn't go there either. Having been a manservant, it also seemed unlikely that he would seek refuge in a castle. The druids were difficult to find but he had found them before. There were several groups roaming Camelot. It would take a few days but hopefully she would find him before he heard about his mother from someone else.

Whenever she strained to hear something there would nearly always be whispers. That's how she knew where to find the druids. Over the next two days she found several druid encampments and although he wasn't there, there were whispers of him. Some thought him more dangerous than her while others suggested he should kill her and free them all.

Morgana could hear the druids converse telepathically and casually approached the encampment. Someone noticed her and a shout rang through the telepathic airwaves, silencing them all. It didn't mean they stopped talking. They only talked directly to the person they wished to talk with rather than letting others join in unannounced. The witch did not care. Earlier she had passed through two other druid camps and gotten the same treatment. They looked at her from the corner of their eyes. Their peaceful nature did not extend to great hospitality, certainly not to Camelot's greatest enemy. They would not hesitate to fight her if she were to harm anyone.

Slowly she moved to the centre of the encampment and there, by the fire, sat Merlin. He had noticed her before she did him and his face was a blank canvas. She couldn't read anything from his usually so animated face. The boy had changed from simple manservant to serious sorcerer. So far the change could only be seen in his attitude but he was bound to have changed and advanced magically as well. Seen his power and the absence of Arthur's ridiculous chores, she dare not imagine just how much it might have developed over the past few weeks.

Merlin wasn't surprised to see her, not at all. He suspected she might ask him to join her or want a rematch. In the past that would have made him anxious but nowadays he couldn't care less. He _knew_ he was strong than her. He had left the Isle of the Blessed nearly a week ago and travelled with the druids ever since. Nimueh's loneliness could have fuelled her lust for vengeance and Merlin believed that socialising with the druids would prevent such a thing. The only benefit he had of travelling with them was the access to plants and ingredients he might be capable of using in potions and such. Discussing spells and advanced magic was impossible. The magical capability of the druids and their leaders was far beneath his. Merlin did not even try to discuss the foundations of magic after he miserably failed to explain it the first time. They were scared of him and his knowledge of magic. He had theories which, when proven to be correct, would level the playing field between the magical minority and any King or Queen.

Without even a telepathic word he got up and took the shortest path to the outskirts of the camp.  
"Your petty vengeance doesn't interest me." Merlin spoke before she could even tell him why she was there in the first place.  
The malice in his voice surprised her but she quickly recovered and discarded what he just said.  
"Don't flatter yourself." She mocked him and revelled in the confusion on his face.  
It wasn't clear whether it was her mocking him that confused her or the fact that she really was there for a different reason. The seriousness of the topic to be discussed wiped away the urge to mock him further, insult him or anything otherwise unpleasant.   
"Arthur intends to take your mother from Ealdor so you will return to Camelot." She said.  
"Why can't that bloody idiot just..." He trailed off whilst shaking his head.  
The prat didn't understand that he just wanted to be left alone. It was selfish of the both of them but Arthur was the one nearly crossing the line.  
"I'm sorry." Morgana tried to establish a certain level of kindness or merely civility between them.   
It was in the hope of not being seen as an enemy but it didn't turn out as expected.  
"Oh spare me your sympathies. What? Did you think I'd be grateful and join you? Don't forget you're the reason he's suspicious of every grain of magic." The warlock blamed her for pretty much everything.  
Morgana didn't just take it. He accused her of abusing her magic and although that might've been true, he did nothing to prevent it. Morgause was her guiding light where Merlin stuck to the shadows.  
"My magic scared me and you were _SO_ helpful that you sent me elsewhere!" The witch countered.  
"They said you would become my enemy and to tell you nothing and you proved them right!" He shouted.  
Over the years Morgana had learned to read people such as Uther and Arthur, that's why she usually knew which buttons to press to get what she wanted. With a bit of effort she saw more than the anger he displayed so openly. There was pain in there somewhere. The meaning of his words also made her wonder. He spoke of 'they', plural. Was it as she thought? Did Emrys tell him that she was his enemy? Who was the other person? Gaius came to mind because he knew who Emrys was. If that were true then he too would pay for what he had done to her innocent, beloved Merlin. People had played a very cruel game with them.  
"Still..." Merlin continued on a calmer note, "I'm glad you were worried about my mother."  
The witch merely nodded and left in the knowledge that this encounter was as 'good' as it would ever get. Merlin packed his bags and left without another thought. If this was one of her schemes then she would receive pain beyond measure. As for Arthur, did he not realise how big the mistake he was making really was?

Morgana thought about him on her way home. She didn't understand him. Finally she got around the fact that he had magic and a few weeks later he had changed radically. The snide remarks and feigned civility were replaced by patronizing insults. What had happened to make him so angry and malicious? If anyone was to blame then it would be Arthur. Time and again, Arthur ruined things. If Merlin had been a regular servant with the same exceptional talents, what would have happened then? Arthur mistreated servants, lied about the past to save his petty honour, took Gwen's loyalty from her, disrespected the Old Religion, instigated war with Caerleon and finally tried to execute Merlin. He even denied the existence of the happy and innocent memory in which she beat him with the sword. Finally, he had destroyed the man she once thought she loved. King Arthur, the King that ruins everything.


End file.
